Lyrical Longings

Have you ever been asked the question "What is one thing you wish you were better at."? I used to always answer "singing."

I'm starting to realize I have a longing at being better at something else too: writing lyrics. As a guitarist, I would often write musical pieces - yet I would long to write lyrics that adequately captured the complexity of my emotions and feelings that I conveyed in the music. I know that I am not skilled at expressing myself through words, which is why I think it comes more freely through the guitar.

Similarly, I think it's why I connect well with certain artists. Namely, Eric Owyoung (Something Like Silas / Future of Forestry) and Jon Foreman (Switchfoot) are the artists that most often strike a chord in me. Their lyrics resonate with me and I feel like they are often expressing emotions that I am unable to. Even more than this, they are able to weave their lyrics into their music so seamlessly that they create a single united entity - such that their is no separation between the emotions conveyed through the words and the music.

A lot of modern Christian music lacks creativity. Not that the artists aren't creative at all, but there I don't feel deep creative passion. Hillsong's lyrics are full of passion, but I don't feel it outside of the lyrics (not hating on Hillsong... just saying their music isn't designed the same way). What Jon Foreman and Eric Owyoung do is seek God passionately and creatively through their music. They don't straight up say "I praise you God," but that sentiment is abounding in their songs. It's not the type of music that people easily pick up and can sing, but I believe that's a good thing. Instead of a simple chord progression and melody, it is a deeper exploration of music. They seek out new aspects of God, and aren't afraid to be honest with their words or music.

We are called to be creative beings. God created us in His image, which intrinsically makes us creative. Throughout the Bible, music has been used to connect man with God. There is something that tones and pitches convey that words can not describe. We strive to memorize quotes and facts and ideas and often fail - but lyrics stick with us. It is something that I can not quantify, but it is real. It is almost an emotional connection to God - a unspoken path into the most holy places.

If we are called to be creative, why can't our worship reflect this. We need to break the stereotype that worship is simply singing songs to God. Even more importantly, we need to break the stereotype that musicians giving their all and playing to the best of their ability becomes a "performance" if it's worship music. A musician giving all he has for God should not be looked down on. The simplicity of worship music enhances the disparity between what is considered a "performance" (aka playing well) and "worship music" (aka strumming a few chords).

So back to the point: we should and need to worship God with our creativity. I worship God more effectively with a song that I don't know how to sing, but expresses my emotions, than a simple song that I can sing about God but don't connect to it. There is something about listening to an honest reflection of core of a person's soul and the simplicity of the truth around him that opens up a deeper understanding of who God is. As we explore more of the creation, we are bound to discover truth about the creator.

I have found little more powerful than doing this through music. Discovering more of who God is through a channel that is already indescribably bringing you closer to Him. Music is powerful, and God has potential to move a man's soul through it.

How I long to take part in that. To write a song that reflects the core of who I am and the truth around me -a song that extracts the music of my soul and layers on poetic truth into a single unified offering to God. It is my prayer that I experience God deeper through this quest for musical creation, and can in turn share it to bless others.

It is only appropriate that I end with a lyric that captures my feelings, from Future of Forestry's "I Fall"

I'll find a voice to bring you honor

If You could only give me the melody to give You

The affection that my heart knows but never found the song

First Week of Staff

After finishing the first week of school as a staff member, there are a couple things that stood out to me.

First of all, the things I expected.
- I really like our staff team. I expected this, but I am nonetheless overwhelmed by their love. I am glad to know each of them individually, and I consider it a blessing to call them my friends. They are people I know will give their all in helping me, as I would do for them.
- Meetings are similar to when I was a student. There's just more of them.
- Freshmen still don't always understand the role of staff. "Wait... you said you graduated already? Why are you here?" --- "yeah, twice actually"
- I really enjoy meeting with students. I go to campus during my free time (see below), and just chill. Whenever I run into people and start conversations, I always come away blessed.

Some things I didn't expect.
- The transition from student to staff wasn't as bad as I would have imagined. It was much harder going from undergrad to grad than from grad to staff. I think because as a grad student in IV, people were constantly asking me "why are you still here" or "are you just here helping out?". Coming on staff, the only questions I got were "are you on staff?". Also, the boundaries that separate student from staff were already sort of forming my grad year, so that wasn't much of a shock.
- I have so much free time. I didn't realize the extent to how much free time I have. Granted, intern meetings haven't started yet, and I haven't found a job. I know that once those things get into place and more structure is put in my life, I won't have as much free time. But as for now, I don't know what to do with myself a lot of the time. I feel guilty because I think there should be more I'm supposed to be doing... but there isn't. I'm just not used to being in Berkeley and having so little to do (for now).
- I stay up late. I thought I would keep a better sleep schedule on staff. I don't know why I really thought that. Probably because I'm old. Anyways, since my brother stays up late, I do too.

So I continue my journey in the staff world. Since I seem to be having so much free time, maybe I'll be updating this more frequently? Probably not though, since I've said that several times. I'm looking forward to how I learn and grow this year, and how I can lead students toward their own growth and development.

It is by the grace of God that I am here, "and grace will lead me home", wherever that may be.